All This Time (Sweet Sins Series) by Coopmans Kathy

Author:Coopmans, Kathy [Coopmans, Kathy]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub, mobi
Published: 2018-06-12T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

Julia

At some point during these past few days, I’ve come to realize, often at times, that life includes pain, and there are more descriptions of pain than personalities combined.

There’s the hollow pain of being left behind, of people moving away, closing one chapter in their lives and opening another. Then there’s the colossal, spiraling pain of people bullying and always putting you down. There are the sharp shards of pain when you make a mistake, your body locking tight with the knowledge of a brutal beating to come. The nervous pain of making an error involving your career. So many variations of the vicious pain of betrayal. Secrets and lies.

All of it heartbreaking in one way or the other.

There’s the indescribable pain of death. A little girl saying goodbye to her father. Pain from thinking you did something wrong to cause him to die. Of a man losing a child and the girl he loved. That type of pain never goes away.

There’s the sturdy pain of compassion that you hold inside in order for you to stand beside a friend when they need one. There are many unavoidable layers to pain. However, on the greatest of days, there’s no pain at all when you realize you’re gazing into the eyes of your future. Those are the good days, the ones filled with laughter, family, starting over.

Miles and I will always have pain, but we’re bound to have good days, too. This newfound beginning has many mountains yet to climb. It’s what waits on the other side that will make the bumpy ride worth it.

I tried to hold my bravado this morning while facing Miles; it’s hard to do when the man has a way with words. I was high, happy, and left floating on a cloud. I believed every word he said, took it straight to my heart, and I will cherish the things he said forever.

We enjoyed a run after he left me panting and wanting, went to dinner on the pier, watched the sunset; it’s been a perfect stress-free day. But my stress level has reached an all-time high now that we’ve both showered. It’s due to him asking if we could talk about a few more things.

I have no problem talking about his past. I mean, it hurts to hear, hurts seeing the emotions on his face. But talking about me, the way my mother's hatred taps at my hardened interior is something I don’t want to do. I’d much rather shove it under a rug and let it rot into the floorboards beneath my feet.

My nerves are drawn tight; I’m edgy, frightened I’ll cry. I hold my breath until I feel dizzy, then let it out and grab onto the strength I have. Miles’ encouraging string of praises from this morning has already sunk into my bones. However, seeing a wide range of muscle with a rippling effect of abs underneath his shirt and shooting below the waistband of his jeans, perfect bone structure and all man, has me somewhat self-conscious of my body.

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